So I haven't been on here in a while. I don't write much anymore. But when I do, I have been writing on another blog. You can find the link to the right called My Other One.

I may start writing here again, but I just haven't been "feeling it" lately. So there you have it. It won't be the most enlightening posts you've ever read, but that's me. Ta-da!!!

So it's a Tori Amos day today. I don't know another way to describe it.

A day with lyrics that can arrest you even when you don't really know what they are about. A day with lyrics that can take you back to the childhood memories you thought you burried in the sandbox. A day with lyrics that you would normally never speak aloud, but sound pefect when set to the background of her dark, electric piano.

Maybe you don't know WTF I am talking about. But you do if you have ever had music or an instrument climb inside you and speak for your soul the way it could never do on it's own.

It allows me to say "It's a Tori Day" when asked "How are you today?". So I don't have to try to explain to a 2 dimensional person all my dark dimensions they will never understand. So allow me to leave it at that.

Below is audio from the Imogen Heap show. She was amazing.

Why won't she give it up?!?

This is my question today. I am watching a TV show, a simple family comedy, pretty much like all the others. The wife/mother is in bed with her husband and he is making advances, trying to let her know that he wants sex. She is upset because he never tells their oldest son that he loves him. He tells her of course he loves their son, etc. Blah blah blah. So then she wants him to tell HER he loves HER out loud. He does. So she says "Good, now say it to our son. No sex for you until you do."

WTF is this about? Why are all wives on TV shows or even movies so frigid? Is this really what happens when you get married? I sure as hell hope not. I don't want to be that woman!

I like sex. Wait, I LOVE sex. It doesn't even have to be the best sex. Mediocre sex is fine in my book. The fact that the man I have in my bed wants me, in my opinion, is something I wouldn't snub my nose at. Hell, the fact that I have a man in my bed AT ALL would make me happy! :)

Okay, I admit I haven't "gotten any" in, well, over a year now (yikes!). So is that why I feel the way I do? I have to say no. As far as I can remember, I have always been this way. I don't think I can remember the last time I turned a boyfriend down. And if I did, I must have been really ill. Yes there are times when couples fight, and the guy seems to always get over it faster than the girl, and in that case, I may turn down sex until I can get things worked out. But really? Am I the only one like that?

Now I am not saying that I don't turn ANYONE down. I don't sleep with everyone that asks, not that I have a list of men asking (ha ha) but you know what I mean. I am talking about when you are in a relationship, or at least with someone that you sleep with regularly.

But why does television tend to create female characters that think and act as if they rule the house (including the bedroom)? I am ALL for women being treated equally (in most cases) and I'm not in favor of the man controlling everthing. But, I think the man should be the head of the household. And I tend to think that men are getting the short end of the stick when it comes to their characters on TV anyway.

I have never been married. So maybe I shouldn't be stating an opinion on how marriage should be, but I hope that if I do ever get married that it can be a partnership. And I don't plan (nor should ANY woman) to use sex to get my way. It's wrong.

Am I alone on this?

Okay, so I have to fucking vent. If I don't I'm going to go FUCKING insane. AAAAHHHHHGGGGHHH!!!!

Damn, I'm in a bad mood today. Even though my migraine did NOT come back, I am extremely grumpy today. WHY? Well let's see... I come to work now at 5 (yes that's Five) in the f-ing morning now. That's not the problem though. I sit next to these ANNOYING bitches that WILL NOT shut up. I get here at 4:45, this bitch is already here, with her HUGE mouth going 90 miles a minute and she's LOUD. And the way her "cube" is set up, her fucking annoying, "nails-scratching-on-a-chalkboard-makes-me-want-to-slit-my-wrists-if-she-doesn't-shut-it" voice is facing right into my ear. I want SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad to get up and slap the shit out of her!!!!

First of all, I don't talk to people at work until at least 8 or 9, because I am not in the mood to chat to ANYONE this early in the morning. It's only 6:48 and I want to kill someone. If it were one of the two cool people that sit near me, I MIGHT talk to them, but they know me well enough not to start up fucking annoying small talk until after 10am.

Second, it's not just that she's loud, or that her voice makes my skin crawl, it's the stupid fucking shit she goes ON and ON and ON about. I swear to god I think I am going to Audioblog her and the chick that sits next to her so you can hear how annoying they are. She goes on and on about STUPID shit. Have you seen Office Space? You know that stupid small talk that goes on in a workplace that drives the main character crazy? THAT's the kind of stuff she talks about. And she laughs after EVERY thing she says. EVERYTHING.

"DIE!" I just want to scream.

(deep breath)

Okay, my break's over now, so I better stop. But thanks for listening, and stay tuned for an audioblog. Thank God she leaves early today.

4 and a 1/2 more hours.....

Okay, so nothing very interesting has happened yet. Sorry about that.

Let's see...oh yeah, the migraine came as I predicted (too bad the "auras" can't predict the lottery numbers), started when I got home from work and then woke me up at 1 in the morning like a fucking vice on my brain. Then I took way too much medicine and I over slept, making me late for work. Oh well, at least it hasn't come back yet (knock on wood).

Shit, I literally have nothing to talk about. Damn.

Oh, for some reason smoking has become nasty to me lately. I still crave it (though not as much as I used to) so I light up, take a drag, and bleh. It tastes like shit. I'm glad, but it's frustrating at the same time. I guess it's my body's way of saying "Hello, you are a grown up now. It's no longer cool to smoke. STOP IT!!!"

So I guess I should listen. I don't want to start getting wrinkles and shit. I've been smoking for like 15 years. 15 YEARS! Yikes. Well, I didn't actually buy my own and smoke regularly until I was 17-18 so maybe 12 years. Either way, it's time to stop! Wish me luck, it's not going to be easy. I think the reason I have a hard time quitting is because I tell myself I CAN'T smoke. Maybe if I tell myself that I can still do whatever I want, and just say "I don't FEEL like smoking right now", that will work. Maybe? We'll see I guess.

What else can I talk about. Oh my obsession right now with BBC America. Martini just laughs at me when she sees all the shows I have Tivo'd. I just LOVE AbFab and was SO excited to see that it was on the air and that we had access to the channel. So I started recording it, and it was like drugs. That led to watching What Not to Wear (which remains my favorite), Green Wing, Ed vs Spencer, then My Family (kinda dorky show but I like it), Graham Norton (I love him!), Coupling and The Office. It was very interesting to see the Brittish "The Office". I stupidly did not know at first that we copied it. I absolutely LOVE our version of it (with Steve Carell - he's hilarious) so I just HAD to see the original. It was cool to see where the characters originated from. It was odd to see different names, but I think we did an okay job with our version. And it was nice to see Coupling too. We tried a version of it here, and it bombed for some reason. But the BBC one is hilarious.

Okay can you tell I'm obsessed? Geez, I could go on and on. So now that everyone has EVIDENCE of how much of a DORK I am, I will shut up. Wish me luck that something exciting happens tomorrow. :)

So I thought this template had a place to make a title...but it doesn't.

I just wrote three huge paragraphs, but then read them and decided it was a bunch of crap, and quickly erased them. So here I am with a blank page again.

What do I write about? I started this new blog so I could have a blog free from all the shit from last year. Yet here I sit thinking of all the shit from last year. And now I'm writing about it. I guess because it will have been a year since it all happened on the 8th. And his birthday was the 2nd. I am proud of myself though, because although it was hard, I did not email him to say happy birthday.

Speaking of birthdays, I turned the wretched 3-0 on the 21st last month. It was a horrible experience. I don't recommend it to anyone. The entire weekend before, St Patricks day weekend, I was horribly depressed. On a weekend that was made for drinking and fun, I was feeling sorry for myself and crying. Yes I had several good moments, but I just couldn't get that feeling of self pity out of my mind. Alcohol helped quite a bit, but I didn't drink enough to forget the looming birthday that was approaching.

I'm not sure if it was an effort to try to stay in my 20's or just some other form of pain I was craving, but I decided that I HAD to get another tattoo for my birthday. My roommate's friends and I all decided this was what we were going to do on that Sunday. My roommate and her friends all got the same tattoos, different colors, different places. Music notes. I decided on something that would represent 30. Since I love Celtic design, I decided on a design that is much like a trinity knot. High on my back between my shoulder blades. I loved it. It took about 10 minutes to get used to the feeling, but then my body adjusted and I remember why I love getting tatts. It's a pain for sure, but an addicting pain. A bittersweet pain that can take you away from whatever might be troubling you. I'm happy with it. And of course, I am craving more now. But anyone who has gotten a tattoo knows what I am talking about. Once you have your first one and realize it doesn't really hurt, you promptly want to do it again. I'm going to restrain myself though. After all, I AM 30 now...

I think I feel another damned migraine coming on. It tends to happen when the weather changes. I don't have pain, but have that nautious feeling in my stomach and the purple and yellow auras. Great. I have to remember to call my doctor so she can rx me some Migrinal.

So this post is complete crap. Sorry about that. Wasting your time (if you've even read this far). It WILL get better I promise. I just have to get back into the swing of Blogging again. More exciting things HAVE to start happening. I promised myself that The Year Of 30 will be full of fun and doing things I don't take the time out to do. A trip to Vegas is coming up in May and a road trip in June. So at least I know there will be something to write about in the next few months. :)

Stay tuned, there just might be another post coming along soon....